Recognising when someone may be experiencing mental health difficulties and understanding the importance of listening, rather than rushing to find solutions.
Mental Health Conversations | Article 3 of 3
Part of InteMind Institute’s series exploring everyday mental health conversations and how we can respond with greater confidence, understanding and care. Featuring educational video scenarios from Mental Health First Aid Australia.
Have you ever had a friend tell you they’re struggling, only to find yourself immediately trying to make things better?
Perhaps you suggest they take some time off, get more sleep, go for a walk or try something that helped you when you were going through a difficult time. We do this because we care. We don’t like seeing people we love suffer, and offering solutions can feel like the most natural way to help.
But what if the person doesn’t need another suggestion?
What if they need someone to listen?
And what if the difficulties they’re experiencing are more serious than either of you initially realise?
When everyday struggles become something more
In the following video from Mental Health First Aid Australia, two university friends, Alicia and Melissa, meet to study. Alicia has been struggling to concentrate, isn’t sleeping properly and feels increasingly overwhelmed by her upcoming exams. She’s also withdrawing from her partner and beginning to question whether she should continue her studies.
At first glance, it might be easy to attribute these changes to university stress. After all, most of us have experienced periods when life feels overwhelming. But as their conversation unfolds, Melissa begins to recognise that Alicia may be experiencing something beyond ordinary stress.
Let’s take a look:
Video credit: Mental Health First Aid Australia.
The video is an educational scenario from Mental Health First Aid Australia’s training resources.
We can be quick to explain away someone’s distress
One of the challenges of recognising mental health difficulties is that many of the early signs can look like ordinary responses to everyday life. Someone is tired. They’re worried about work. They’re struggling in a relationship. They’re finding it difficult to concentrate. Individually, none of these experiences necessarily indicates a mental health problem.
But when several changes occur together, persist over time or begin interfering with someone’s daily life, they may warrant closer attention. In Alicia’s case, her difficulties are affecting her studies, sleep, appetite and relationships. Melissa notices these changes and, rather than dismissing them as exam stress, creates an opportunity for Alicia to talk. She doesn’t begin by telling Alicia what’s wrong with her. She listens.
Why listening can be harder than giving advice
When someone we care about is distressed, we often feel an urge to do something. We want to offer reassurance, share our experiences or find a solution that will make their difficulties disappear. And sometimes advice can be useful. But when we move too quickly into problem-solving, we risk overlooking what the person is actually trying to communicate.
Alicia doesn’t fully understand what’s happening to her. She knows she isn’t feeling like herself, but she’s struggling to make sense of her experiences. Melissa gives her the opportunity to explore those feelings without immediately labelling or dismissing them. This matters because people don’t always arrive at a conversation with a clear understanding of what they’re experiencing. Sometimes they discover what they need to say while they’re saying it, and having someone who is willing to listen can make that process a little easier.
Sharing experiences without making the conversation about ourselves
At one point, Melissa tells Alicia about her cousin Amber, who experienced similar difficulties while studying. It’s an interesting moment because sharing someone else’s experience can be helpful, but it can also be something we get wrong.
We’ve probably all experienced conversations where we begin telling someone about a problem, only for them to respond with a lengthy story about themselves or someone they know. Suddenly, the focus shifts away from the person who needed support. But sharing an experience can also help someone feel less alone, particularly when it offers reassurance that others have experienced similar difficulties and found ways to recover.
In the video, Melissa uses her cousin’s experience to help Alicia recognise some similarities and understand that professional support may be helpful. Importantly, she doesn’t suggest that Alicia’s experience must be identical to Amber’s. Mental health problems can affect people differently, and what helps one person may not be appropriate for another. The purpose of sharing an experience isn’t to tell someone what they’re going through. It’s to offer another perspective that may help them make sense of their own.
What if your friend doesn’t want professional help?
This is another situation many people find difficult. We might recognise that someone needs additional support, but they aren’t ready to seek it. Perhaps they’ve had an unhelpful experience with a doctor or therapist. Perhaps they’re worried about being diagnosed with a mental health condition. Or perhaps they’re frightened of what treatment might involve.
In Alicia’s case, she’s concerned that professional help won’t work and fears how others might perceive her. Melissa doesn’t dismiss those fears. She acknowledges that everyone’s experience is different and explains that mental health professionals can work with people to explore appropriate treatment and support options.
This is an important distinction. Encouraging someone to seek help doesn’t mean promising that a particular treatment will work or that recovery will follow a predictable path. It means helping them understand that support is available and that they don’t have to navigate everything alone.
Being a good friend doesn’t mean becoming someone’s therapist
There can be a fine line between supporting someone we care about and feeling responsible for their wellbeing. We might become the person they call whenever things become difficult. We might spend hours trying to find solutions, worrying about them or wondering whether we’ve done enough. But friendship and professional mental health support serve different purposes.
We can listen, offer reassurance, encourage someone to seek appropriate help and continue to be present in their life. What we cannot do is take responsibility for diagnosing, treating or resolving their mental health difficulties. And understanding that distinction isn’t a lack of care. It’s part of providing appropriate support.
Learning how to support someone with confidence
Mental Health First Aid training helps people recognise signs of mental health problems, approach someone they are concerned about, listen without judgement and encourage appropriate professional support. These are skills that can be valuable in workplaces, educational settings, families, friendships and communities.
Because mental health conversations don’t always begin with someone saying they’re struggling. Sometimes they begin with a friend who isn’t sleeping, a colleague who has become withdrawn or someone who simply doesn’t seem like themselves anymore. And sometimes, knowing how to listen is what helps the conversation begin.
Develop the confidence to support mental health
Would you know how to respond if a friend, colleague or someone in your community was experiencing mental health difficulties?
InteMind Institute will be offering Mental Health First Aid training from 2027, helping individuals and organisations develop practical skills to recognise mental health problems, provide initial support and encourage appropriate professional help.
Learn more about the next available Mental Health First Aid training →