When a colleague tells you they’re thinking about suicide: What do you do?

Recognising when someone may be at risk and understanding how to respond when a conversation takes an unexpected turn.

Most of us would like to believe that if someone told us they were thinking about suicide, we’d know what to do.

But would we?

What if it happened at work? Perhaps during a lunch break, on a walk with a colleague or in the middle of an otherwise ordinary conversation.

Would you know what to say? Would you be comfortable asking questions? And perhaps most importantly, would you recognise when someone was trying to tell you something without actually saying it?

We often talk about the importance of checking in with people, but we spend considerably less time discussing what happens when someone gives us an answer we’re not prepared for.

When an ordinary conversation becomes something more serious

In the following video from Mental Health First Aid Australia, Sandeep notices that his colleague Ted has been behaving differently following a relationship breakup.

Ted seems unhappy, withdrawn and reluctant to talk. Rather than confronting him in the office, Sandeep suggests they go for a walk. What begins as a conversation between two colleagues gradually reveals something far more concerning: Ted has been experiencing suicidal thoughts.

Let’s take a look:

Video credit: Mental Health First Aid Australia.
The video is an educational scenario from Mental Health First Aid Australia’s training resources.

Sometimes people tell us without telling us

One of the interesting moments in this conversation occurs when Ted makes a comment about wishing it was the end of the world. It’s the kind of remark that could easily be dismissed as frustration, exaggeration or simply someone having a terrible day.

But Sandeep doesn’t dismiss it. He recognises that there may be something more behind those words and asks Ted directly whether he’s thinking about suicide. For many people, this is where the fear begins. What if I’ve misunderstood? What if I offend them? What if asking about suicide somehow makes things worse?

However, research tells us that asking someone directly about suicidal thoughts does not put the idea into their head or increase suicidal thinking. In fact, being willing to ask can create an opportunity for someone to speak openly about something they’ve been carrying alone. And sometimes that conversation can be the beginning of getting help.

We don’t always need the perfect words

Notice how Sandeep responds when Ted initially denies thinking about suicide. He doesn’t interrogate him or demand an explanation. Instead, he calmly lets Ted know that it’s OK to talk about suicide, then he gives him time to respond. That moment of silence is important.

When we’re uncomfortable, we often rush to fill the space. We offer reassurance, change the subject or begin searching for solutions. But someone who is struggling may need time to find the words, particularly when they’re talking about something they’ve never shared before. Being present, listening without judgement and allowing someone to speak can make an enormous difference.

What happens after someone tells you?

This is perhaps the most important part of the conversation. Because listening matters, but when someone discloses suicidal thoughts, listening alone isn’t enough.

Sandeep recognises that Ted needs professional support and encourages him to contact his GP. When Ted initially arranges an appointment for the following week, Sandeep encourages him to ask for an appointment that day.

It’s a significant moment. Sandeep isn’t trying to become Ted’s therapist. He isn’t taking responsibility for solving his problems. He’s recognising the seriousness of what Ted has shared and helping him access appropriate support.

When someone may be at risk of suicide, it’s important to take their disclosure seriously, ask directly about suicidal thoughts, stay with them when there is an immediate safety concern and connect them with appropriate professional or emergency support.

Why these conversations matter in the workplace

We spend a significant part of our lives at work, often alongside people we see more frequently than some of our friends or family members.

We notice changes.

Someone who was once engaged becomes withdrawn. A reliable colleague begins missing deadlines. Someone who usually enjoys a laugh becomes unusually quiet or irritable.

Of course, these changes don’t automatically mean someone is experiencing a mental health problem. There may be many reasons for changes in behaviour. But they can provide an opportunity to check in. And while employers have responsibilities for creating psychologically healthy workplaces, supporting mental health isn’t something that happens only through policies, wellbeing programmes or HR departments. It also happens in everyday interactions between people.

The difficulty is that many people want to help but don’t feel equipped to respond, particularly when a conversation involves suicidal thoughts.

Mental Health First Aid is about knowing how to respond

Mental Health First Aid training helps people recognise signs of mental health problems, approach someone they are concerned about, provide initial support and encourage appropriate professional help. It also addresses situations involving mental health crises, including suicidal thoughts and behaviours. The intention isn’t to turn colleagues, managers or friends into mental health professionals.

It’s to give ordinary people the knowledge and practical skills to respond when someone may need help. Because sometimes the person who notices something is wrong isn’t a psychologist, counsellor or doctor. Sometimes it’s simply the person sitting at the next desk.

If you or someone else needs support: In Australia, Lifeline is available on 13 11 14. If someone is in immediate danger, call 000.

Explore the complete Mental Health Conversations series:

• Article 1: When a colleague isn’t themselves: Do you say something?
• Article 2: When a colleague tells you they’re thinking about suicide: What do you do?
• Article 3: When a friend is struggling